My Life, The Good and the Bad

There are many things that can bring us to our knees in life, stress I believe is the number one killer in human motivation. School worries me and causes stress, work is of course annoying and stressful to anyone. However the stress that I am referring to is something that involves something bad happening to your loved ones. My first blog I ever wrote was on my father getting sick, and even though he has improved since he first went to the doctors, we still have a long way to go.

 this picture was taken two weeks before my dad was admitted into the hospital, so much has changed since this picture was taken. 

Seeing someone you love going through something as hard as having heart problems, really hurts you and causes you to lose sleep, you are watching someone that has been your hero your whole life go through Hell basically and there is nothing that you can do to help them, just sit and watch. You ask is there anything you can possibly get them, however that look in there eyes, the look that they are about to give up just breaks your heart in everyway. When I saw that in my own fathers eyes, the man that always pushed me and never let me give up no matter how big or small the problem was, when I saw that I felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

The reason I am writing about this again is because I want everyone to know even though it might be a cliché to not take your loved ones for granted, tomorrow really is not promised. For the past few months it has been in and out the doctors office, we have to go to this specialist then to another, my dad cant catch a break and it is not only weighing down on him but on the whole family as well. In December when they first put the pacemaker in, it was supposed to help him, and don’t get me wrong he has improved since he got it but still his heart rhythms are not good, his heart is still not pumping enough blood and he is still looking and feeling weak.

My grandmother always used to tell me, take care of your mom and dad because they wont be here forever, and I remember as a child thinking what is she talking about my mom is superwomen and my dad well I was a daddy’s girl so my dad was the toughest, smartest and best dad in the whole world, so how in the world can anything ever happened to him, that’s not possible right? Well even though some will read this and say its obvious they cant live forever, but the thing is when you love someone you really think they will live forever because you love them so much that you so desperately want them to, because you cant imagine your life without them, you cant imagine them missing a single moment in your life, or you calling them and asking them how there day is.

When my dad got sick, and the doctors told us that his heart could stop at any minute, I honestly think that day my world just shattered everything was moving in fast motion and I didn’t know how to stop it, I so wanted it to slow down, it was one thing after another. One day the doctor would say everything looks good, then I felt the next second he would come back with some more bad news. I also believe what was hardest for me is seeing the look on my dads face, he was worried about us and trying to calm us down, while we were scared to death about what was happening to him.

My wish to anyone that Is reading this blog, is please don’t take your loved ones for granted, do not think they will live forever because they wont, one day out of no where when you least expect it, something will come and knock you down. The only thing I could do is Pray. I prayed for my dad, I prayed for my mom, my sisters and I prayed that if God forbid anything happened to him that God would help us through it. My faith is very important to me and I know for a fact that God got us through it, and will continue to help us through the hard times that are coming.

 The weekend before this wedding, my dad and I got into an argument, because i was begging him to go to the doctors with me, but he still would not listen, when i think about it now I believe he was scared to go, because he did not know what the doctor would say, and he had every reason to be scared. 

 In this picture, its two of my mom's sisters, they helped us so much and still continue to while my mom and I take my dad to the hospital and doctor visits, they take care of my two sisters. 

My sisters, are my life they are the most important people to me, the day my dad was admitted into the hospital the first time, it was Gina's 16th birthday (the one in the black) my dad even though sick and could barley breath, tried his hardest to make that day special for her calling her non-stop and even asking her to forgive him, that broke all of our hearts, makes me cry now thinking about that day. 

I truly (try) to live by this, even though we still have a long way to go regarding my dad's health, I believe in God I try to never panic just pray. 

These are some video's about congestive heart failure, I hope this will help anyone that has someone in their life going through what my dad is.